I'm back!

I'm back, bitches! Acutally, I never left. I just stopped posting because...I don't even know. Laziness? Well the great news is that I'm in the low 150's and eating healthy! I feel the best I have in a long time. But I'm still not happy. I still want to lose 40+ pounds. I would give ANYTHING to live a day in my future 110 pound body. Anything. ANYTHING. The awesome news is that I can totally do it! In 4 months if I work really hard. 4 months seems like forever when you're hungry all the time. BUT. I want this. Even better motivation? My boyfriend. He likes me the way I am, so imagine how much more he'll like me when he can pick me up and spin me around..easily. GAAHH. I'm not going to starve just yet. I'm just going to cut out all junk food and eat healthy, healthy, HEALTHY. Starting right now, I will not allow myself to eat any junk food for the next 2 weeks. BECAUSE...in 2 weeks my boyfriend is coming to see me, and I want to look fucking AMAZING. AHH!:)

Shit, man. I decided to start eating "healthy" because starving just wasn't working for me. Because I ALWAYS end up bingeing. I must of been out of my fucking mind. I'm 154 fucking pounds. I NEED to starve. Food will always be there. I can get by without it for a few months. When I get to my goal weight, I will allow myself to eat HEALTHY. Super fucking healthy. God I'm such a fat pig. When swimsuit season comes around I'm going to be FUCKED if I keep eating like this. I need to lose about 30 pounds to even begin feeling comfortable in a swimsuit. 30 pounds in 3 months...I can do it. I KNOW I can. The thing about reaching a goal weight is that it is 100% possible. I just have to get out of my own way!

Down 1 pound today...then I decided to FUCK IT and ate lunch. Then some snacks after school. Then supper. Then some more. FUCK. I always fuck it up. 3rd day is always the worst. Well you know what? FUCK EVERYTHING. Tomorrow I'm waking up early and doing a salt water flush...again. That's what I get for being a fatass and bingeing. I just want to look skinny!  Working hard gets results, if you don't work hard don't expect to see results. I want to treat my body with respect, but that's going to shit. When I'm at my goal weight and comfortable in my skin, THEN I will worship it and treat it with respect.
Weight this morning: 151.4
Weight right now: too fucking fat.
Not going to weigh myself tomorrow. I will weigh myself on Thursday because that's I usually drop a lot of weight after a day of bingeing and then a day of fasting. I just wanna get this over with.

YES, PLEASE!

Yesterday = FAST. Today = some meatloaf with ketchup, veggies, and milk. Not so bad. I only ate because I HAD to. My parents suck. They watch me eat. Do I fucking look anorexic? NO. I'm 152.4 pounds. Let me lose a little weight. When I'm 110 pounds THEN they can be concerned. Man, they're so annoying. I literally have no desire to talk to them. At all. If I could live by myself, it would be so much easier!  Well anyways. I'm on Twitter if you want to follow me @StarveToStrive. Let's get skinny!

Happy New Year!

The last few moments of 2011 and the first few moments of 2012 were spent Skyping, so I hadn't even realized that the ball had dropped and the New Year had come. So it kinda sucked. No party, no friends, just me, my TV, and my computer. But that doesn't change the fact that this year is going to ROCK. I woke up this morning, took a shower, did a little yoga, and did the salt water flush - which has never let me down. I am currently sitting in my bathroom - for 2 reasons. The first being because of the salt water flush...gotta have quick access. The second is because it seems to be the only place upstairs that has the correct outlet in the wall to charge my laptop. So. There you have it. But anyways, I am so PUMPED. I'm so confident that I am ready to do this, whatever it takes. I WILL get skinny. I WILL be beautiful. I'm not doing this for attention, I am doing this for myself. I want to wear really short shorts and not have my thighs look huge. I want to rock a Victoria's Secret bikini and smile when boys finally take notice. I want to wear skinny jeans because I am actually skinny. This is MY year. This is OUR year, to finally show people that we CAN do it. :)

Loooooove!!